I fell in love for the first time in class 9. The hazel eyed girl just left me numb. I feared being a fool in front of her and feared expressing my feelings to her since her mother was not only a relative of my mothers friend but also my english teacher. Thus I left her hints, wrote poems for her and read them out aloud in front of the whole class while staring in those deceptively deep hazel eyes. I sent her valentines gift, dedicated her songs at Dee Jays, gave her expensive gifts, the whole shebang but never said anything to her on her face.
One of my friends, who had picked up what was going on, said something in a hopeful dreamy eyed way that only only a 14 year old could say. If you want her bad enough you will get her, she will know and she will call you. I guess I didnt want her that bad since she is now the mother of a child, not mine, and happily married to the childs father as well. The only good thing to come out of that stint was I learnt to rely on hope and push it, since in my want for the said lady I spent tons of cash over a period of two years to no avail. Just hoping that she would "know" and she would "call" me.
Today I learned that a trip that I had been eagerly planning maybe in a bit of jeoprady and almost instantly I was hoping that Karachi could hear my pleas and need for its company and "call" me. A few people very dear to me are getting married in July and Augsut, I had been planning this trip since last December. However I was told by my lawyer today that following the recent arrests in Toronto of suspected terrorists it was being suggested that people with out permanent residence papers not leave Canada till such documentation is made available. I hate lawyers and bearaucrats equally and I guess legalities and beraucratic structures are both coming in the way of a trip I had been yearning for so intensly.
In a typical lawyer like way my lawyer just spun the words, you could get it anytime buddy, tomorrow, next week, next month, its a wait and see situation. Oh how easy for you to say that buddy, you arent thousands of miles away from the city you grew up in where some of your dearest friends are requesting you to join them at the most important event in their life, are you!
Much like the lawyer, a co-worker of mine failed to see why I was annoyed with the development. I have been away from Karachi, the only place Id ever call home, for three years now. Over this span of time I have lost my feel for the city. Someone mentions Bar B Q tonight or Bundo Khan with a sense of pleasure and I cant relate since I dont have a memory of the taste. Some one bitches about the dry fish trawlers polluting the Sunset boulevard and I nod my head in agreement but I cant remember the smell. I have completly forgotten the smoothness of the breeze that flutters through the hair while walking along the beach or the crackling sound of makai as it roasts sand oven.
When I read Dawn, I get startled at the number muggings and robberies. I get shocked at nightlong power failures and stories of traffic jams. I am surprised by stories that are as inherent to Karachi as the revelling youth who throng the beaches on the eve of independence day riding motorcycles without silencers or the makrani donkey cart racing that takes over the streets of clifton on occasional weekends. In short I am slowly becoming what I promised I would never become, a disenfranchised Karachite. A faker who claims to have passion for something that he has trouble relating to.
This trip was supposed to reinvigorate the Karachite in me and if it doesnt happen the Karachite would continue its slow and steady march towards becoming what urdu best describes as a dhoobi ka kutta. So heres my plea, my one true love, my home, my lovely city, call me, bring me home. I have HOPE that I am meant be there. I am prepairing for it like I would under normal circumstances I am taking all the chances, so you take your chance on me as well Karachi, call me!