Thursday, October 28, 2004

Spontaneous Combustion

I am thinking right now - lost in a strange little thought. You know how one thought leads to another that leads to a third and before you know it the axons are firing away at warp speed and your minds just aimlessly jumping from one thought to another after every quarter of a millisecond - yes that exact same thought that's what I am lost in.
It all started with pizza, going to, cheese to Kraft, Unilever, co-of job, university, studies, accounting, money, finance, bank balance, credit card, bills, cell phone, calling friends, calling cards, Pakistan, Karachi, Lahore, England, London, bath, Liverpool, Michael Owen, David Beckham, man united, real Madrid, ronaldo, ronaldo's hot girl friend, Pete sampras's hot girlfriend, steffi graf and aggasi, head, racquets, susnset club, movie nights, chicken tikka, fires and club sandwiches, summers, swimming, gym, injuries, hospital, aga khan, doctors, parking lots, cafeterias, pundi, flrting, flings, romances, love, un-love, career, family, progress, job, interactive marketing, internet, orkut, friends, communities, blogs and finally blogger!
Thats how I got to writing this stupid little piece for nothing !!
Good times eh!!

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

You're My Unicorn

Yes , I am talking to you! Oh no not you, but yeah you!

I know you are reading this, I know you.

You hear all that say, yet play deaf, you see me, yet pretend to be blinded, you read all that I write, you want to respond, yet to stay away, keep yourself at bay, you play shadowgames with me. Yes thats you.

You want to say something, you want me to say something to you so that you can say something back. But you wont do it first; I know you. And I wont do it first, I wont say what you want to hear, I wont write what you want to read, I wont be where you want me to be. Its not a matter of choice, its a matter of need - of boundaries - of domains - and all that you want and i want and you want from me and I from you - is in a greay area!

I see you, you see me, I know you, you know me, its not abot me - its about YOU!

We are connected, yes we surely are, through a web - a web of people, situation and emotions. It connects us, we are far nodes. Me at one end and you at the other yet we are connected. Thats why you see me and I see you. I fear loosing the ground, I fear change, I fear unknown, I fear of doing something that would dispose me of my node, put me out of the web, make me loose connection with you. Thats why I am quiet, thats why you dont hear me say what you want me to say and I know you, you fear the same.

If I do take that step - if I try and move towards you I try overcoming the the links of people, situations and emotions, if i try to create an independent link, I fear I will fall. I will fall through the web, ill step into a hole, a gap, a void in the web. Ill fall into the void, ill fall into an unknown, non existent terriotory and Ill hope that there be a web to break my fall. A web to adopt me, to hold me to connect me - but it would be a pity, a bad compromise , to be a node in the new web since I wont be connected to you.

Its not about me, its about you!

But think dammit - just for a moment - just for a second - think! Your fears are like mine - you cant take the lonely plunge neither can I. But what if you take a step and I take a step - we both fall and while we are doing so we reach for each other. You for me, me for you. We eliminate the links, the people, the situations, the emotions, we eliminate all that was indirect - we connect on our terms - we link by our own choice - we form a web of our own, a connection that connects you to me to you . And if it fails - we tried - there would be satisfaction - you wont feel the ripping anxiety that you experience now I wont feel as agitated as I feel now, we would have tasted the fruit, we would have made our decisions -our choices!

But if you dont, then we shall keep playing your games of shadow. You and I would be running in cirlces round and around hoping one would stop at some time - turn around and say it. But till that doesnt happen, there will a clue in everything you say, a sign in everything you do, a subliminal message in every smile, every word, every movement, every gesture every laugh, every wink . Ill be seeing you, hearing you, dreaming of you, hoping for you, Ill be there by your side and you by mine when you or I least expect. Thats when Id like to grab you catch you, sieze the moment and take the oppurtunity to create that independent link of the minds the body the spirit and the soul.

But can I catch you? Havent I tried? Dont I want to? - No, Yes, Yes

I do but I cant

& thats why I say

You're my unicorn!

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Fall On Campus Posted by Hello

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Hatching Season

What is with October anyway. I am sure that if a survey of birth days is done, it would be found that a signfcant number of the global population was born during the month of October. When I look around, i find myself, more than half of my family memebers, around ten of my friends, and some of their family members as well, all of whome have their bith day in October.

Not only is this a busy time of the year as far as birthday celebrations are concerned, its also a time of financial crunch. There are some people who you need to give a gift to, it would be plain rude not to give them one and then some people deserve a card at least. But its not all merry merry for these people either - they are forced to get back in some way, either an expensive dinner or a good gift on our birthdays.

The worst punishment, for them at least, is checking their email the birthday morning. If you are still on hotmail, I pity you - 2MB gets you no where when you have 50 birthday messages coming in within a night. What i found really odd this year round was, that different online services that I had subscribed too also sent me emails - netflix, eBay, etc etc sending emails saying Happy BDay and why dont you try our new cheap DVD collections etc etc - northwest airlines was pushing a trip to hawaii for 2 on my birthday - Ofoto was telling me i could buy cheaper prints of my birthday party pictures from their websites - Silvercity was offering movie tickets - and then there were some websites actually reminding me of my own birthday - the greetings read Congratulations - Its your birthday - you dont say 'eh! Thanks for reminiding me!!Even worse was a pciture of a slice of cake and one candle on it, right below the reminder. Its My birthday dammit - you cant sell me something on my birthday by giving me just a slice of cake - i need the whole frigging cake!

I guess this just signifies how commercialized and commoditized ourlives have become. All corporates feel they can play a role in some part of our life even on the most special of the days.
Its not like christmas or eid - this target segment is not seasonal - the hatching season goes on, round the year!

Friday, October 22, 2004


Sometimes it doesnt really strike us as to how amazing life has been. Its only till something ticks in the mind when we realize, wait a minute, this aint all that bad after all. I took sometime out yesterday and thought about it - 25 years - 1 me - good times!
I have been blessed, honestly, a great family, some great friends. A lifestyle that many may dream of, being able to do what sometimes even I hadnt dreamt of. Its been amazing.
I have always wanted to have an above average life - do something big - reach for the stars kind of thing, but even now - what I have to date - is more that any average person could wish for. I am blessed, blessed with a life less ordinary.
If I die today Id be content - although there wouldnt be a huge inheritance for anyone, but I feel that I have surely made some impact on the life of all those who know me and that in itself is the biggest thing anyone could wish for. My stars are the smiles I get from the people, the wishes, the carsds, text messages, voice mails and phone calls. The fact that I conciously or unconciously did something for someone that made them remember me is more than anything i could wish for.
Now you see why I say its been a great 25!

Sunday, October 17, 2004


I am not a big fan of Bollywood movies, yet a friends comment about one such movie got me thinking the otherday. In a move called Devdas the chilhood love of the hero is called Paro, my friends suggested that every man in his life has a paro. It is true to a certain extent. The forms of Paro may differ, the idea of a Paro probably prevails

Saturday, October 09, 2004


Empty, blank, void, hollow
hope floats; the spirit follows
Sombre, silent, painful eyes
seek condolence from the skies
Quietly screaming "let it rain"
a dark deluge to wash the pain

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

What Really Matters

I am really close to fulfilling a dream. Two days from now I will be walking into an office where two people would make or break that dream. When the whole process started some months ago,I thought to myself this is the best thing that could happen in life. But now after repeated meetings, negotiations and back door politics, I am thinking to myself, whatever happens in two days, would it really matter. Honestly speaking, with due apologies for my French, I don't give a rats ass.

It happens over and over again, to all of us, at some stage, as we progress on the yellow brick road of life. Every milestone seems unachievable and even more challenging from a distance,but once you get close to it once its almost in the palm of hour hand, you can smell it,feel it even touch it from the tip of your fingers it looses the glamour. Its just not the same, its just not as grand as it initially seemed. I guess that's why they are dreams, the keep the hope up high, the drive us,pump up our spirit, motivate us to rise to the occasion and while all that happens the dreams help us discover a new person in us.

So if its all not worth it in the end, then what does really matter ? What makes a difference to us ? What complements our existence and highlights our being ? I would say its the capability to dream it self. If you cant dream, if you cant aspire, if you cant desire then you probably just keep living a monotonous and mediocre life with no particular highlight and at the end of the day you wont be able to feel that your existence really made a difference. I think someone famous once said that Id rather be thirsty than drink from the cup of mediocracy.

So dream on my friends, since dreams make life worth living.

Monday, October 04, 2004


The smile, the frown, the sights, the sounds
they have all changed
The nights, the days and every breath that I take
they have all changed
The needs, the wants, the dos and the donts
they have all changed
The hellos, the bye byes, the laughter and the cries
they have all changed

The people who were once my peps
The toys that were once my keeps
The roads that id would call my own
The park bench that id call my throne
all those memories seem to be stained
either I have changed, or they have changed