Tuesday, October 26, 2004

You're My Unicorn

Yes , I am talking to you! Oh no not you, but yeah you!

I know you are reading this, I know you.

You hear all that say, yet play deaf, you see me, yet pretend to be blinded, you read all that I write, you want to respond, yet to stay away, keep yourself at bay, you play shadowgames with me. Yes thats you.

You want to say something, you want me to say something to you so that you can say something back. But you wont do it first; I know you. And I wont do it first, I wont say what you want to hear, I wont write what you want to read, I wont be where you want me to be. Its not a matter of choice, its a matter of need - of boundaries - of domains - and all that you want and i want and you want from me and I from you - is in a greay area!

I see you, you see me, I know you, you know me, its not abot me - its about YOU!

We are connected, yes we surely are, through a web - a web of people, situation and emotions. It connects us, we are far nodes. Me at one end and you at the other yet we are connected. Thats why you see me and I see you. I fear loosing the ground, I fear change, I fear unknown, I fear of doing something that would dispose me of my node, put me out of the web, make me loose connection with you. Thats why I am quiet, thats why you dont hear me say what you want me to say and I know you, you fear the same.

If I do take that step - if I try and move towards you I try overcoming the the links of people, situations and emotions, if i try to create an independent link, I fear I will fall. I will fall through the web, ill step into a hole, a gap, a void in the web. Ill fall into the void, ill fall into an unknown, non existent terriotory and Ill hope that there be a web to break my fall. A web to adopt me, to hold me to connect me - but it would be a pity, a bad compromise , to be a node in the new web since I wont be connected to you.

Its not about me, its about you!

But think dammit - just for a moment - just for a second - think! Your fears are like mine - you cant take the lonely plunge neither can I. But what if you take a step and I take a step - we both fall and while we are doing so we reach for each other. You for me, me for you. We eliminate the links, the people, the situations, the emotions, we eliminate all that was indirect - we connect on our terms - we link by our own choice - we form a web of our own, a connection that connects you to me to you . And if it fails - we tried - there would be satisfaction - you wont feel the ripping anxiety that you experience now I wont feel as agitated as I feel now, we would have tasted the fruit, we would have made our decisions -our choices!

But if you dont, then we shall keep playing your games of shadow. You and I would be running in cirlces round and around hoping one would stop at some time - turn around and say it. But till that doesnt happen, there will a clue in everything you say, a sign in everything you do, a subliminal message in every smile, every word, every movement, every gesture every laugh, every wink . Ill be seeing you, hearing you, dreaming of you, hoping for you, Ill be there by your side and you by mine when you or I least expect. Thats when Id like to grab you catch you, sieze the moment and take the oppurtunity to create that independent link of the minds the body the spirit and the soul.

But can I catch you? Havent I tried? Dont I want to? - No, Yes, Yes

I do but I cant

& thats why I say

You're my unicorn!

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